Thursday, September 26, 2024
8:39PM · Toronto, ON
I still don’t have a desk in this city but maybe it’ll make future me feel more impressed that I wrote something without a desk.
It’s been 5 days since I left New York. There’s an weird empty but hopeful feeling inside that I didn’t expect to feel. I don’t think I’ve ever felt it during school, despite the constant moving around every 4 months. I suppose 13 months is more than 4 but there’s probably more at play here. I’m immensely grateful to have encountered people and places that I feel bittersweet to leave. Truthfully I didn’t expect that 13 months ago - my world is so much larger because of the people in it. If you’re reading this, thank you.
At the same time, there’s that hopeful bit of things - there’s something comforting, something reassuring about how things have turned out. To be near those I love, to be somewhere new yet familiar, to be somewhere a bit less overstimulating. It’s exciting, the opportunity to establish new spaces and rhythms. But it’s also a bit scary. Perhaps some of the fear comes from anxiety around finding “my people” again. Though if I think about it, there’s already so many people here that make my life full. I have no doubt that there will be more. If you’re reading this (in the future), thank you.
I might get a good laugh out of reading this 13 months from now. It may even reignite this same feeling of gratitude I have right now. For now, I mostly just need that desk so I can lock in.
I sat by the water for an hour on my last day with a coffee. Was nice.